I'm back and I'm ready! I am ready to start this new year with fantastic health improvements, athletic endeavors such as I used to do, creativity, and ... I am sitting on the couch in my pajamas at 10 am scratching my ear and finishing my coffee. Hmmmm.
Did I read that article on Facebook about why to get up early in order to be spectacular? Yes, I did. Did I wake up three times last night due to screaming out-loud nightmares plus one time due to back spasms requiring Advil and my heating pad? Yes, I did. I'm depressed and I don't sleep well. I don't sleep well, so I don't get up well. I don't DO well. I haven't written since the election, didn't even post the blog I had all set to go right before The Day That Divided Time. Everything has felt ... shit, I don't know how to describe how it's felt, that is why I haven't written. I certainly did not feel I had anything to add to the general conversation with thousands of blogs - well, for sure all the ones I follow - expressing the same heartache, shock, fear. Besides, I thought, does any of it even matter?
I've been pretty much sinking and I'd like to give a hearty "fuck you" to all those one-size-fits-all articles about how to have a Facebook-meme approved life. How to be spectacular on schedule.
As luck would have it, it is the beginning of a new year and a perfect, almost expected, time for the baring of souls. It also is the time for perfectly-encapsulated-answer memes on Facebook which is why I'm here talking and not there talking. This space allows me authenticity of expression. I understand cocktail party etiquette but a life of it is a good reason to step in front of a speeding train. I can't take it. We've gotten so used to it on social media that I think even close "real" friends only want your polish. Your best selfie, delete the ugly, the awkward! So it seems.
2017. I wish for you a beautiful year and safe spaces for when it isn't. I'm hoping to step out of the quicksand, continue my new joy in cooking vegan deliciousness, and embrace my chances wherever I find myself.